The Second Star
by dreams as light as feathers
Summary: "Blessed my angel she is blessed. Not by me but by her own sweet purity." " I am not just your Angel , Sinner but your Shade too. When salvation is not enough I shall hide your burning sins in my cold shadow. In light so dark that you may hide, I, your mother moon blessing you with heavy eternal burning night." "I am not pure ,I'm merely just a shade to protect my sweet Savior."
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer I don't own anything except the plot.**

**A/N: I am not a big vampire / werewolf fan but I have had this story for almost a year now and I think it's time I let it out. Any way Love Jasper and love Leah this wasn't really supposed to be anything serious so yeah. Team Blackwater and well nothing against Alice. "The title is from my favorite song" The Second Star to the Right."(Peter Pan)**

Wishes

The sounds of the bees buzzing filled the atmosphere. The bees were like young gentlemen courting to delicate flowers. They dance and prance trying to find a moment of weakness a way into the virgin blossoms. Finally the heart is found and the bees fly in without hesitation penetrating the young vulnerable buds. Jasper watches the pollen fall down from the trees as the bees in their aggressive nature rustle the hopeless petals. Pollen sprinkles down from the beautifully abusiveness of the natural moment, like the twinkling star dust of a fairy pouring down onto Jasper's eyelids. In a daydream like wonder he thinks if he wishes really hard he could have what he truly desired. Reality breaks on him like the crashing waves against jagged rocks. Only those, whose heart weren't field with malice, hate and death could be granted wishes. What would he wish for anyway?

He watched the sunlight sparkle against his skin showing his true nature and his evil. The scars branded on him were like the stories and tells into his very dark demons. Like a rush of fresh wind he knew with all his being what he desired most, what he would beg for if he could still have dreams? Humanity, a second chance at life, to lose the terrible vice like grip of guilt and immortality. To be forgiven for his sins and to be wiped clean and pure. He knew that would be too much he really should never be forgiven but to once feel human again to forget his cold hard exterior and be free a desire he wanted more than anything. A desire he would gladly trade his pathetic life for.

Forgiveness is like the precious gem to any piece of jewelry. To attain the forgiveness you must find it in yourself and sometimes it means giving up and losing yourself first before you can truly find and forgive yourself. Jasper has no clue to the truth his words have given birth to. Forgiveness is not just for the good hearted but even for those battered souls who have lost all hope.

Leah remembered once a poem about fire and ice to deadly opposites that took the world into it fatal arms. She remembered the boisterously silent way the poem read spouting its opinion without care yet remaining to itself. The poem talked of death but it didn't feel that way instead it held a certain amount of free moving choice. The ability to choose for you and then move back again and choose a whole different path, it spoke to Leah. Sadly, Leah tried to speak back by living the dreaded poem but like the dumb naïve idiot she was she believed she could live life with no fear that she could always go back and choose. She lived to love and take chances but like all ignorant fools she fell and wondered why? Why had she fallen on her dumb ass because life isn't like that you can't go into life blindly believing you shall for ever be saved when you call for help, not if you go around asking for trouble. Since the day she fell Leah has been grasping at straws looking for any amount of control but she ends up with known. She tries to be weary but she keeps being duped, the world wants her to break yet she continues to fight.

Fate now has her dangling her spidery long coppery legs off of a cliff. Who needs legs that are spidery long if no one wants you? All her thoughts seemed pathetic and full of self loathing these days and her tears seemed to fall like the weather here. She wiped her eyes trying to find a way to see through the hazy storm. Stupid feather duster eyelashes she thought bitterly as one clung to the end of her index finger. Just before she blew it away in a very pathetic haze she wondered what would happen if she wished for something. She laughed out loud cynically at herself was she that desperate to try and wish for something. What would she wish for anyway people like her; the type of people that have not only nature but fate against them get laughed at and stepped on. The only way to survive is to be cold very cold to everything and everyone. Really though what would she wish for love (forget that) control (no what would control give her a moments peace and then tons of worries). Peace that was what she needed was peace and understanding to know that she wasn't damaged goods that she wasn't alone. All she wanted was to stop the pain not to be numb but to finally be able to stop fighting and trying to grasp for things like a madman but, it was all she knew how to do. Peace 'ha 'what was she smoking she blew away the lash and it began its gentle descent into the blue stormy waters.

Peace and understanding is a basic need of human existence but in truth that is not all Leah needs. Hope is what she was truly thirsty for and with the tiny little lash Leah's life had taken a different turn. Even though she hid through the film of rage hate and self loathing Leah gave life to hope. Hope is soon followed by trust in not only others but herself. Leah didn't realize that that tiny lash would not go on un-notice that someone cared and her life wouldn't always be terrible. If only she would open her eyes and help her.

**So how did you like it? Read and review pretty please.**

_**-dreams as light as feathers**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight but I do own your souls. Muhahahahaha! Jk. I own the plot don't touch it.**

**A/N For those who read the last chapter and liked it I offer you another. This was the first and was originally supposed to be a one shot but, I got some more ideas. Any way I hope you like this one too and if you don't off with your head. Sorry kind of loopy and tired and I am basically speak typing and blaahh blahh blahh. So I'll let you get to the story soon after these messages.**

**Dear reader, **

**I see you have visited again, thank you very much, now I have someone to share this passionate story with. This is our tale of two beings whose lives had been bound by perpetual sorrow. Shall two broken hearts make one whole one or shall fear and doubt smite them. This is the tale of Jasper and Leah, sworn enemies bound by the unwanted game of love. My fair beauty, please do listen well as I thread together these to hearts. And tonight I will lay upon you a blanket with the fable of the Shifter and her Vampire.**

_**Scars**_

The night sky was painted in dark mysterious blue as the full moon mimicked the protecting shine of night light. Leah had watched it move in the sky as she tried to make a bed out of the tree branch. She hung high above the forest floor hoping to stay off the wet ground. But she had found the moon had caught her interest, the soft sound of the wind and the branches that brushed against each other were like the harp to a lullaby. She gripped herself feeling the wave of comfort leap on to her it was a fight she could not win.

Suddenly she heard the soft buzz of crickets stop and all the forest froze in more prominent silence. She crouched she could smell the scent of vampire slither it's way by. The smell was different like it was mixed with the smell of the blood of hot warm game and the hidden twinge of gun powder. Jasper.

His footsteps were light as if he had been floating instead of walking an unnaturalness that Leah had found more annoying than the smell or the tinkling bell like voices. Leah jumped down from the tree landing with soft grace.

"Jasper," she whispered with restraint she was trying not lose it. Having to wait outside for her baby brother to finish up having fun with the leeches was not the most pleasing idea. Jasper walked out from the forest with an air of military elegance if that was possible. His skin seemed translucent in the shine of the full moon. The moonlight didn't touch parts of his face making him seem dark.

"Leah," he answered back calm trying to be tame the she wolf was definitely not his favorite person. He wasn't ever unkind to a female he had just grown up that way but the feelings that rolled of her were so over whelming it was hard along with the thousand other emotions he was experiencing at once. She didn't seem happy by his calm stature.

Since day one Leah had wondered what would happen if she could crack the perfect charm all the vampires seemed to have. All it took were a couple of evil comments and unpleasant behavior and most of them would be seething with anger. Most of it was pointed to the mind rapist (Edward), the blond bimbo (Rosalie) and the leech lover (Bella) of which were the most annoying of the leech house hold.

Everyone was open to her wrath of course Momma and Papa leech had been excluded. Esme being way to kind and nice which made her feel guilty almost like she would be disrespecting her own mother if she had treated her like she treated her kids. Carlisle was extremely human more human then all of the supernatural freaks that had been residing here. This bothered her, how much of her own humanity had she lost that he seemed more human.

"I don't understand," he spoke with his southern drawl .Which he spoke with such smooth calmness despite the meaning of the question he unknowingly asked.

"There is a lot you don't understand leech," she smiled darkly," Like when summon doesn't want you around being one of them."

"What do you want," she spoke with more force.

He growled never before had Jasper shown a single once of emotion toward her nothing, she truly thought he had been made of stone. However here he was getting upset and she hadn't even tried. She would have laughed but this bothered her if he was upset like that she didn't want to be anywhere nears him. She had seen the scars on his face and arms but wasn't sure if she wanted to get in a fight with him especially without back up. Leah wasn't one to fear leeches but Jasper frightened her he seemed like a raw animal with precession execution. All in all she gave him his respect and stayed away.

All at once he could sense her fear and weariness, emotions he had never before felt from her. He wondered what she was afraid of his growling or his scars. He could feel her heart beat faster reminding him of before the Cullen's something he didn't want to go back to.

"Sorry, it's just, "he couldn't explain he didn't want to seem like a monster he had enough of scrutinizing glances. He collapsed to the ground he was just so tired.

Leah watched as the god like creature fell to the ground she hadn't seen such a human act from someone who seemed so un-human. "Are you ok?" she approached the vampire feeling a mist of sympathy enter her heart. When he looked up at her he looked sick to his stomach she kneeled next him unsure of what she was doing.

"To many feelings," he looked down at his hands that would have been shaking,"Sorry I didn't mean to snap."

Leah remembered the vamps ability to feel emotions and take them as his own along, with forcing his upon you. She understood what that felt like to feel vulnerable to somebody else's thoughts and feelings.

"It's ok," never before would she had thought she would be comforting a vampire.

"I don't understand you're being nice you're sympathizing" he seemed to be struggling with the proper words to say.

"You mean why I even give a shit," he laughed which also seemed way too human.

"Something to that effect," he looked up at her but as soon his topaz eyes locked onto her brown orbs she looked away. He didn't need his powers to know she was embarrassed you could see all on her cheeks.

"I don't know," she spoke more to herself then him," I guess I understand what you're going through. Every day I'm bombarded by unwanted thoughts and feelings of my pack."

She looked at him not really staring into his eyes,"I guess I understand how it feels to be helpless to all the feelings around you."

"Huh,' he looked down at his hands he had been staring silently at her before she had looked back at him. He had wondered what had caused her to be embarrassed surely it couldn't be his appearance. He was covered in so many scars she could see that. There was barley any beauty left except for the few things that peeked through but even they were a testament to his monstrosity. He had noticed her of course her features were of normal Native American decent perfectly sculpted cheek bones and beautiful coppery skin. But it was her eye lashes like long black feathers that would hug and lock every time she blinked and then fly open like the wings of a raven. It was the perfect shade of her pink lips as they closed into a deadly pout. It was the way she played with her hands as she spoke unsure of what she was doing and nervous. It was also her words as they flew out of her mouth like song birds sweet and understanding with not a hint of pity. He didn't understand and her previous words hit him.

There was something more to Leah Clearwater than the obvious pain and anger she carried around like a shield. Something much deeper he wondered why she was so angry but was afraid to ask. He remembered they hadn't said anything in a while and decided to start the conversation back.

"Esme wanted me to give this to you," he passed the lunch bag over,"its ok if you don't want it I won't tell her."

'I….." her stomach growled giving her away.

"Hmm," he chuckled," hear it won't kill you it actually smells half way descent."

Leah's heart beat faster his laugh wasn't like the chime of church bells so unreal and fake but alive and flawed, dorky. Somehow she found herself smiling but stopped quickly as he turned his head. She snatched up the food quickly sniffing it lightly before taking it out of the bag. It was lasagna which she absolutely adored and it smelled delicious. God did it have to smell so good now she had to take a bite. She found herself melting deep into her core amazingly it was still warm and absolutely yummy; she had to stop herself from moaning. If she could she would imprint on this and she began to devour it completely forgetting the bloodsucker sitting next to her.

Again the chuckle rang through her ears," I take it your enjoying it. You know it's not going to run away anytime soon," Leah stopped abruptly fork still in her mouth and tomato sauce on her face. Shocked back to reality by the sound of his voice Leah stared at him in surprise had he been staring at her all this time. All of sudden Jasper fell back laughing at her in her frozen image he was rolling on the floor. He hadn't really laughed like that in he didn't know when, never maybe.

"Hypocrite," Leah whispered at she stared at Jasper's shaking body.

He shot back up looking her directly in the eye," How so "Little Missy" am I a hypocrite."

"One don't call me "Little Missy," and two you go around praying on innocent woman sucking their blood it's not like they'd be running away anytime soon," Jasper smirked like the wise ass teenager he was frozen as. Leah eyes opened wider she didn't mean it that way but she couldn't hide the fierce blush on her cheeks.

"Oh forget it," Leah set the Tupperware down and began to get up when a cold hand caught her.

"Please don't stop enjoying your food on account of me I didn't mean anything by it darlin',"he looked at her sincerely feeling that if she left this moment of realness would have disappeared. He rarely had moments like this he was either being babied or watched carefully. He'd never anytime for fun which is what he had now and it been selfish to try and make her stay. Normally he would be the gentleman and be kind but all that had started to go out the window.

Much to his delight Leah sat back down picking up her food once again this time slowing down."Don't call me darling," she spoke again with the fake intensity. It wasn't like how she spoke when she first saw him. The words were spoken out of ritual just another guard. Underneath it all he could feel her contentment. It wasn't focused toward the food she had so gracefully devoured but toward him.

'There's a lot you don't understand leech' the words echoed in his ears again. Maybe she was just happy to be around someone, he doubted it though Leah wasn't that social but neither was he. Perhaps she just liked the feeling of being wanted, someone who wanted to talk to her. From what Edward had said no one really liked her in the pack.

"Why not," he said without thinking.

"Because you sound like you're not from this century."

"Well I'm not actually and people still say darling..," she cut him off.

"Yeah usually in degrading ways to agitate a woman like cat calls and turn on's, face it leechy the world ain't what it used to be," he chuckled again and she felt a chill run down her spine.

"That's true this world has changed plenty from when I grew up, so if that word bothers I won't use it. But what shall I call you?"

"I don't know we really shouldn't even be talking, I mean were enemies right so maybe we should just stay that way."

"We don't have to be you know it could be different," Jasper felt hope come from Leah then carried away by the sudden storm of anger.

"Is this some kind of keeping your friends close but your enemies' closer thing?"She looked straight at him her face buried under anger. However she couldn't look for too long or she'd get caught up in his perfect features. The kind that would stop a girl's heart and make her forgets how to breathe. However a regular woman couldn't see the scars on his face and neck their ghostly pale crescent moon shape or know how they got there. If they did they'd probably say 'Oh How terrible I'm so sorry'. To any shifter or vampire they were a warning a sign of danger. To Leah they were reminders of her own scars they may not have been visible but they would forever be with her.

Leah couldn't help but stare now as she connected the crescents with her eyes each one a different shape and size. They began to form around his face and frame it like ancient tribal art and they became beautiful. Against his alabaster skin he looked like a war god. Without rhyme or reason Leah's eyes diverted from the scars and to the shape of his brow and the chiseled form of his chin. Next to the soft wisps of hair that lay on his face too small to make actual facial hair. Then to his lips that surprisingly didn't have that cold blue of death but the look of warmness and she began to wonder if they carried the same deep passion that had slowly began to instill itself in her.

She looked into his eyes wondering if he had felt what had just been running through her mind. Yet all she saw was deep confusion and then embarrassment? He looked away from her quickly toward his hands fear rising in her was he upset from her staring._ Of course he's upset, he's married and he's got another pathetic girl staring at him like some dumb bimbo ._Leah tried to turn away but he looked at her again his beauty catching her in its clutches as the battle scars spoke to her soul.

"I don't understand how you've gone from passionate to angry why?" she blushed unable to speak the least she could do was turn the other way but even that she had failed to do.

"Do I upset you in some way I don't understand how all these feelings you have lead to anger, I would like to know I find you strangely enough fascinating, "the wind began to blow their direction and naturally she held her breath but she noticed it wasn't necessary .Had she already gotten used to the smell?

Slowly she watched as Jasper scooted closer toward her and felt stunned as he moved into the moonlight. She had seen a vampire sparkle in the sunlight once and was revolted by the diamond texture so unnatural. However this was different as he moved more into the moonlight the more alive he became. His pale arms began to glow translucent like the moon glowing and lighting everything around him. His hair seemed golden and burned lightly like Apollo himself sat in front of Leah. Lastly his eyes no longer were that topaz gold but a silvery blue that shimmered like the moonlight on sea water. He glowed with new life as if the moon had awakened the man inside him he was alive he was real. Leah was utterly bewitched not in her twenty years had she seen something as amazing. She saw more than just his beauty in the moonlight she saw his humanity. The scars also were a sign of his pain and suffering. The god like creature took on another form, the one of a man alive in front of her. There was more to him so much more.

He looked at her she seemed frozen her heart beat began to fill the silence .He quickly moved back he had frightened her he knew it and he turned away in disgust. Did he have to frighten everyone he met was he truly that much of a monster? He hated himself and his scars they drove everyone away even himself he was hideous. Like the lifeline to a drowning mad man a warm comforting hand touched him.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you ...I just… I don't know what happened," Leah's blush returned. She knew exactly what had happen of course he could feel her emotion that's why he was upset. Leah didn't want to admit it but she felt like he actually wanted to talk to her. She hadn't felt wanted for anything and here she was ruining it. Was she that incapable of being a good person did she have to push everyone away?

Jasper began to speak up when a booming voice came from the distance calling Leah's name. All at once reality hit them both and the warmness of the world they had created shattered .Leah's hand slid from Jasper's arm and for once he felt dead. Her hand leaving his arm was like a pulse leaving the body cold and instant death. His unthawed heart was aching for the sweet warmth and he knew he wouldn't be able to leave her alone. The limbs on his body had reacted on their own as he grabbed her shoulders in a tight embrace.

"Please Leah, I want to see you again," he begged feeling like a vagabond begging for alcohol.

Leah tried to open her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Was he serious did he really want to see her again? She wanted to say yes but it felt like everything was stopping her. Like all the past and circumstances had been coming back and tying her down. Seth's voice broke the silence again she wished she had more time to think she hated being rushed. Jasper's pleading eyes began to penetrate her heart again.

"Maybe …. I've got to go now," she looked toward where she heard footsteps.

"Maybe's good enough for me," he was happy maybe seemed like yes to him and felt his stomach doing elated flips. Leah was shocked to see the smile the answer put on his lips no one was ever happy because of her. She felt a smile peep its way out of her which had vanished as soon as it had appeared. The dead spot where Jasper's heart should have been felt like it would start pumping again as he saw her smile. Her smile was like thousand watt light bulb reflecting of a diamond which made him sound like a cheesy fool.

He helped her off the ground like the gentleman he was holding her hand trying to enjoy the last off the warmth he would have for a while."Goodbye, Miss Clearwater," he bent his head to kiss her hand just as Seth began to enter through the trees. But like the silent whisper of the night and a lost memory he _**disappeared.**_

**So darlings how did you like it, please I beg of you more critique more reviews. Please I'm on my knees (not really). I'm thinking my next chapter title will be secrets or stories, which is better.? Love + you = review. 3**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I am officially the worst writer on it has been two freakin' years. Of course I blame it on life, and heartbreak but I should have written sooner. I hope you like it and I have a new sort of writing style. Hopefully I can write more often but I make no guarantees.**

_**Oh my dearest how could I betray you in such a way? How could I leave you for so long when I desperately need you? My heart broken by that darn lion and I was to blind to see your golden hand reaching for me. Oh the pain my ignorance has caused me. The pain only the weary shade knows, that causes the wolf to howl out to the moon. Will you be my redemption the beautiful warmth, my blessed savior? Forgive me now, my dearest angel for my sins. Bring forth your love and escape with me. Wash me of my guilt, my dearest reader, my deepest love.**_

_** ***__**Dreams as light as feathers**_

No matter how un-divine you are,

God wants you to look Straight into His Eyes

So that His Compassion can enter into you

And transform your guilt-loaded life.

**Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 136 by Sri Chinmoy.**

Guilt

She blinked twice before opening her dark eyes. The smoldering orange sun was burning the soft blue sky. Dying it a violent shade of peachy orange. Powdery clouds bathed in the blazing golden rays drifting back to heaven.

'Beautiful', she thought before turning away hiding under the shade of the cliff face. Amongst the sand and cold rock she felt at home as she glared at the pail figure of the moon. The itch in her mind began again and her once content countenance turned sour. 'Please forget already', she thought. But her mind continued to assault her with images some hers and others not her own. These were images of her shameful day burning her alive like the setting sun.

She beat her naked back against the cliff side repeatedly until little pieces began to crumble and shower upon her. Pounding in her flaws, her shame, her ugliness. She bit her lips near bleeding pressing back tears willing the pain of memory to stop. Yet the clip rolled on placing before her the dark **shade** of her life.

In her mind she could see the looks of horror beat her down. The sounds of outrage and disappointment unified in anger. Shut up, she begged feeling the anger in her raise again. Her lip began to bleed as the image of him the man she loved hurt her once again. The crying screams buried inside her released exploding along with the kitchen table.

She was remembering breakfast, the smell of muffins reeking and mixing with jealousy. The charming smiles of couples holding each other, her mother laughing with "the stranger" she called Charlie. Leah burning, clouds disappearing, now Seth is laughing as that man's jokes.

She sits in the middle amongst the crowd of people but is invisible. They pass the food and her plate is missed, the boys laugh at the pretty girls. She wonders why no one notices her, as she is dressed in all white just like before, just like before but things have changed.

On the beach her chest hurts and her spine vibrates, in her mind Sam is smiling then he looks at her. 'Leah aren't you hungry,' he hands her a muffin. 'He is kind, so kind.' She smiles back the pain gone momentarily. The Leah on the beach grits her teeth and braces. 'Thank you,' she giggles slightly forgetting her past she if just the same as before, the same but not the same.

Then she kisses him, that woman he has married and surely will have children with. His smile changes he is glowing, sparkling, shining, eyes dancing as if they were on bobbing clouds. Leah's face is against the dirt of the shore gritting her teeth hand outstretched toward the setting sun.

Blink, Blink, Gulp! It is swallowed by the sea, that woman's hand hugs him now. The light is gone and her two spines on the beach and in her memory are shifting, burning with shameful flame. Pain abuses her body and mind using it as a tool for destruction.

The kitchen table explodes and thousands of muffins go flying. The women are saved, the men enraged, the white dress is in shreds.

Her mother is crying praying to god as she covers that man's eyes, her brother protecting them both. The boys faces are separate masks of outrage and 'I told you so'.

And he, his loving face has turned into something worse, something worse than anger. 'Oh Leah', voice soaked in pity. Pity was shooting at her as he clutches his frightened wife in his warm arms. Pity for Leah the poor she wolf who thought she could handle it. Pity so contagious even the stranger man is affected, 'Leah it's okay you weren't ready,' Seth. Even angry pity, 'Damn it Leah I know it's hard but next time warn somebody.' Paul.

From every direction was pity, like ice dangers made from acid. The deathly daggers penetrated her heart and melted into her heated insides. Burning her with pain, this special brand of abuse that caused only the cowards afraid of death to live on. This pain called guilt.

The sun was gone and the night and ocean were dark abysses, swallowing her pain and personifying the shame of her mind. Then Leah noticed something and the shaking stopped instantly. Upon the water and in the sky flowed silvery blue streams from the moon that blended perfectly in her tears soaked eyes. **Perfectly blended silver-blue streams shining like glowing eyes. **Leaving the despondent shore she raced forward newly cleansed from something other than water. Something purer called hope.

_Please Leah, I want to see you again!_

**A/N: Did you like it? Definantly different than before. I hope you enjoyed it a little more if not be honest. This chapter is a little depressing but I promise the romantic beauty shall return. Till then here is a little preview of next chapter. Rate and review please (even though I don't deserve it after two years.)!**

Persistently munching,

in deadly pursuit,

like a maggot devouring

September fruit.

Sleeping when I am,

raging when not.

The cost of my past,

forever my lot!

Echoing endlessly,

**Guilt** **By Sid de Knees posted on Helium**

items/289568-poetry-guilt

Guilt

Streams of dark foliage whizzed by bending into a dark mass in the pale moonlight. A thousand flapping wings both black feathered and with leather webbing crashed into the night. "The darkling rise" he whispered lunging to a stop upon a mossy rock.

He watched the winged creatures rise like a swallowing tornado trying to hunt the moon. Finally they circled to away leaving behind tiny hole in the blue blanket of the sky called stars. Amazing, he thought.

**A/N: Did you like it? Definantly different than before. I hope it is better. This chapter is a little depressing but I promise the romantic beauty shall return.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I do not own any characters; all of the characters in this chapter belong to Stephanie Meyer. The plot however is completely mine, because this is a fan fiction some people may seem out of character. Please forgive me again for the lateness I am a terribly slow writer, and it takes me a while to get just the right words where I want them. Hopefully you enjoy. Sorry to any Alice x Jasper lovers but...**

Dear reader,

Here we are again. It seems are trips together are ever so far apart. I am a terrible lover I know. To love me is to love the sin itself rather then the person who commits it, but perhaps you can learn to love the sinner. For in those understanding eyes the sinner is without darkness, my love. Can you not see it, in the dark cloudy mass that she who sees all cannot tread? There in the shade lies the true heart and the absolute soul. In the darkness the sinner is reborn and cleansed of sin. So take your dark lover's hand and open your heart to my cloudy world for it is the only home I know. As we drift together in the fading twilight may we leave the aching guilt we have behind. And let us fly together in the starry dreams that fall like light feathers from the sky.

-_**Dreams as light as feathers**_

Guilt.

Persistently munching,

in deadly pursuit,

like a maggot devouring

September fruit.

Sleeping when I am,

raging when not.

The cost of my past,

forever my lot!

Echoing endlessly,

roaming my core,

Like the sound of grenades,

in the shell-shocked of war.

Beating me down,

like a hammer a nail,

feeling forced to endure,

though destined to fail.

Like the last bees of summer

attending a hive,

In amongst all their dead,

still programmed to thrive.

'Til their reaper collects,

sweeping in on a frost,

always waiting my winter,

'til then I am lost. **By Sid de Knees posted on Helium**

items/289568-poetry-guilt

Guilt

The sun was setting near the Cullen mansion and Jasper had been growing restless. He and Alice weren't talking today; lately she had been so distant as if something was bothering her. Her actions had grown cold toward him as chilling as the darkening September nights. Despite popular belief even mates have issues, and he and Alice had been finding it difficult these past two weeks. Ever sense he met _her._

It was easy to get close to Leah, seeing as Alice had been in another one of her moods and the house was full with the wolves disguised as humans. Edward decided not to say anything about the encounter but Alice wasn't a dummy. She watched his every step through her visions and knew as soon as he disappeared from his time stream. She knew it was the she wolf that had shaded him from her visions because of the smell; Leah was unique. She smelled a tad more human than the rest, a little more vulnerable.

Later he told her word for word what happened, he had no reason to lie to Alice, but she surprised him. Alice got mad, sure he could understand that but he had never seen her upset. Annoyed by him sometimes but he could feel anger, fear and hatred flooding from her. In that moment he wondered if there was something that she wasn't telling him. Finally when he asked Alice what he had done wrong beside talk to the she wolf and ask her to be his friend, Alice didn't answer him. Instead she made him promise never to see her again. He could feel the fear and the sharp tendrils of doubt that hurt him deeply. He loved Alice, but she doubted that.

_FLASHBACK_

"_Alice there is nothing to fear I love you and no one else," he whispered softly to her. He could see those invisible tears welling up in her eyes._

" _I don't care, just promise me you'll stay away from that… _**thing**_," Jasper was caught off guard, thing. As long as he had known Alice she had never been prejudice toward anyone or anything (even the wolves, she enjoyed the company of the male leader Jacob), but she had just made Leah a thing._

" _I don't know why your afraid of her, or why your doubting my love for you, but I don't like it," he got up to walk away from her. His temper rising more then it probably should have._

" _I am not afraid of _**it**_, I'm afraid of what you will do, I know you Jasper and know how you get with things like her," Alice was shouting now._

"_What do you mean things like her? How could you know me if you don't trust me enough to stay by your side?" he was shouting back at her, a fierce snarl under his words._

"_I know you Jasper, I've seen the darkness you bury away. She'll hurt you, everything you worked for, everything we are," she was shaking now sobbing her nonexistent tears," Jasper when your with her it turns dark, not just because I can no longer see you but it starts to feel so cold. As if you're far away, and I can't reach you anymore."_

_Jasper could feel the sadness rolling off of his Alice; he made her feel this way, he was ashamed. He wrapped his arms around her trying to bury her sadness within him._

"_Please, Jasper just promise me," his Alice sobbed into his stomach. Jasper opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't get the words out. Just the thought of her warm skin and that smile of hers made those necessary words catch in his throat._

"_Okay," he whispered all he could manage, terror slowly creeping it's way through. Even to him he sounded untruthful._

Jasper made his way to the living room, after having a long talk with Carlisle. Apparently the wolves were coming back this weekend, in order to celebrate Renesemee and Bella's birthday. Bella had insisted that her daughter celebrate her birthday alone; this of course didn't not satisfy Alice she wanted to celebrate both birthdays. Alice in the end convinced Bella to at least receive gifts on the day, which led to a single person party turning into a double birthday party on the same day which was much against Bella's wishes.

Sighing heavily he sat down on the couch hoping to relieve stress in the arms of his wife. Alice was sitting far away from him, letting out her own annoyed sigh and slowly destroying the atmosphere for romance. With her mood growing more anxious and cold these past few days and Jaspers developing hunger he found his emotions growing quiet burdensome, as they were slowly taking a toll on his mental sanity. He wasn't quiet sure but he knew Alice was upset at him for something; perhaps something he hadn't done yet. He believed she was seeing something she didn't like, or even worse _not seeing something_ she loved. He ignored that thought and decided to move closer to his Alice to fix things before they actually broke.

"My dear," he whispered to her gently," tell me what's wrong." He began to stroke the hair from the side of her face. When suddenly she slapped the hand away, leaving a cold sting against his icy flesh. The stress level of his was peaking but he tried to maintain control.

"Like you don't already know," she whispered a feral hiss coming from her mouth like poison.

"Actually, I don't," Jasper could feel venom of his own clouding his voice.

"I can already smell it on you that dark stench, not now but soon, when it happens don't expect me to take you back," she slid farther away from him.

"If I don't leave first," he spoke in a hissing whisper so bitter it was as if he was throwing an evil dagger filled with hate. Instantly he wished he could return it but it was to late.

"Maybe you should," Alice answered coldly back. Before he could apologize she raced up the stairs and into Renesmee's room. It was the sanctuary where the ladies of the house escaped to when they had a fight with their mates.

'It's not supposed to be like this,' he thought getting up from the couch after watching his wife run away from him. His eyes had grown black from stress; all he wanted was to drown his pain away. His mid slowly drifted to a pool of red liquid, and the smell of sweet freesia.

It was Jasper's stress technique whenever things got bad, he would let the pain of thirst take over. Sometimes it was more bearable, then the sadness especially the anger. After calming himself down, he considered going up the stairs to work things out with his wife.

"She doesn't want to talk to you, she is asking me to keep you away," Edward spoke his eyes looking toward the floor.

"Really," Jasper's frustration came back; he forgot how childish she could get when she was upset. How were they supposed to fix things if they were never going to talk about them? He closed his fist tighter he always hated these possessive little games she would play.

"Brother," Edward patronized, as Jasper's anger began to cloud his own thoughts," perhaps you should go I'll speak to Alice."

That's the last thing he wanted, he didn't trust Edward he always managed to find a way to twist things around, "No thanks."

Edward was Jasper's ally in some cases like blood lust and other things that they preferred to keep hidden from the family, like the dark parts of being an empath and mind reader. However, when it came to strength of power especially house ranking (no one said that coven life was peaceful and without internal battle) Edward was his nemesis. They always respected each other in times of battle, but it was never close to the bond he and Emmett had, that was truly brotherhood.

Edward and Jasper had always been rivals ever sense the day they met. Especially when it came to the matters of their domain the mind and the emotions they create. Edward and he would constantly argue about the usefulness of either of their ability to affectively read a person. It was especially intriguing to them to experience real emotions that a vampire could never posses. Emotions and thoughts were the most exciting when they developed from a living soul especially when they were hard to discern. Those were the most powerful and usually they were the most satisfying.

Their favorite subjects were always curiously intriguing; it could be a person who was extremely unreadable or a person dangerously possessing. The possessive ones were their favorites most the time, just a thought or emotion could distract them, it was addicting and rare that somebody could block out others from their view.

Consequently, the she wolf (despite her obvious hostility toward all things leech,) intrigued both of them because of the dark cloudy mystery that was her mental/emotional state. Most people were easy to read, she however had so much shielding and jumbled signals they found it difficult to decipher her true feelings on things. Best of all when she thought something strong enough or felt something hard enough she could make them shift all their attention. It was rare to feel or see pass that dark cloud but when you did it was powerful and possessing. That one thought or feeling intrigued and confused you and you couldn't avoid it. Her emotions were harder to read then her mind, making her feelings somehow twice as powerful. Jasper at first was terribly put off by her. Interesting emotions or not he didn't like her attitude but after meeting her, his feelings changed.

That fateful day Esme had asked Edward if he wanted to deliver the food instead of Jasper. Despite, his amazed intrigue into the curious powerfulness of her mind Edward was unwilling to take the first step, and he declined in favor of the late night company of his wife. So Jasper took Esme's dish instead, not thinking twice at the time. He was just so overwhelmed by his wife's stand off-ish anger and the two wolf boys agitating presence that he would do anything for escape.

Jasper found himself in that similar situation once more, to many angry mixed feelings and not enough strength to sort them out. Despite his strict demand that Edward leave it alone, he pranced up the stairs anyway to speak to Alice. In that moment he wanted more than anything to bash Edward's head in to his beloved piano.

Instead he ran way, running into the nearby woods to escape the annoying nerve that was his family. He ran angrily sprinting past dozens of trees until he reached a spot he could rest.

He was frustrated, he could feel years worth of angry thoughts and images he had suppressed come flying at him like painful daggers dipped in vampire venom. One hundred and fifty years of life and he still was having difficulty with relationships. First Maria and now, he stopped that thought that wasn't fair to Alice.

Alice saved him from the dark abyss, gave him a home and a family. Jasper fell to his knee clutching his head in his hands. He wished he could go back and change everything that happened before.

"_And never meet her_," a voice in the back of his head spoke, he hesitated. Leah, was something new for him something he hadn't experienced in all his life. He heaved an exasperated sigh, he would rather not think about any of it.

Jasper looked up at the sky, the orange hues were disappearing as the dark night began to dye the sky in shades of bluish black. He looked up into the canopies above; he could here something ruffling the leaves. Jasper began to run again chasing the sounds. Letting the majesty of the wilderness take over him.

Streams of dark foliage whizzed by bending into a dark mass in the pale moonlight. A thousand flapping wings both black feathered ones and those with leather webbing crashed into the night. "The darklings rise" he whispered lunging to a stop upon a mossy rock.

He watched the winged creatures rise like a swallowing tornado trying to hunt the moon. Finally they circled away leaving behind tiny holes in the blue blanket of the sky called stars. Amazing, he thought.

His eyes tracked the world as time and space bent itself around him. If he stayed silent long enough he was sure he could almost feel it move beneath his feet.

Suddenly something caught his attention, the ground beneath him was ever so slightly vibrating. He closed his eyes, feeling the night air whip past his face. The cold tendrils of wind carried the smell of warm blood, deer blood for certain.

Jasper could feel the eternal dagger in his throat twist, and in a blink his already dark eyes turned darker. His muscles tensed as he crouched lower to the rock just before flying forward into the night air. Swooping deftly into the canopy of trees, watching out for the animals that were sure to come his way. He waited patiently hidden behind dark night leaves as the heat in his throat grew and blood lust softly clouded his mind.

The vampiric demon he had buried so long ago loved these moments when Jasper's mental barriers were at their weakest. His villainous past was always creeping up to get him, he worked hard to maintain some control but hunger was his crucible.

'_Must we_,' the beast inside him growled at the smell of animal blood desperately desiring the taste of human. The voice churned his stomach, it was one of the many relics of his old days where death and survival, were similar to breathing and sleeping for humans.

The _**sinner**_ as Jasper liked to call it was a survival technic he subconsciously created while killing. He was slower and weaker when he could feel the other person's emotions. Sometimes the emotions were powerful, a persons desire to live could be so strong that for a moment he would almost consider letting them go. But that's when the sinner would come in, separating the emotions like empathy and understanding from whom he was and instead it thrived off of pain, fear and desire. In a moments notice he could go from sympathetic to cold-blooded.

There were many times he would find himself surrounded by gore barely able to remember anything that happened before he blacked out into that demon. Death clung to the sinner and all who were near him were victims, whether they were human or vampire. Only a few people survived the moments when he lost it. Even fewer people ever treated him the same.

Maria in those days was always there beside him when the beast faded away, her bright red eyes smiling as if he had done the most glorious things. Just the thought of it and he felt himself dying inside, shame and hatred coldly lingering in the shadows of his mind.

Jasper was startled back from his haunted past, the sound of hooves were growing closer, the beating hearts of animals were slowly racing nearer. As he sniffed deeper what little scent was left in the air he could sense that the smell had changed it had grown stronger, cloudier, and even more intoxicating. Something else was coming closer.

The smell of it was raising the bloody demon within him creating a fiery passion he hadn't felt in so long. Finally he could feel a giant mass of emotion so strange he couldn't distinguish the being. He just knew it was something big hammering its way on all fours through the dark forest. Working its way to him, just for him. The sinner's chant began in his head. _**MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE**_!

The hoard of deer flew past him, bobbing through the dark tree line. Jasper braced himself whatever it was it would be his. The sound of a strange heart began to beat in his ears, clouding his thoughts allowing the sinner to start to take control. Soon that teasing sound of a juicy beating heart would be his and only his. He could imagine the creature beneath him trembling in fear allowing that beautiful heart to dance just before he claimed it. Expectedly the thought was turning him on immensely delivering a sense of pleasure and pain in his aching body and throat. Finally the wind delivered a full breeze of the scent to him. It was a mix of something amazingly beautiful and terribly disgusting. With out a doubt it was human.

Just before he could stop the sinner within from attacking, the beast broke through the trees, and Jasper lunged forward from his perch. His arms collided roughly with a mass of silvery grey fur as his sharp teeth nearly pierced flesh but stopped mid way, something wasn't right. As they fell spiraling to Earth he could feel an intense unraveling of emotion from their connection grief, _**guilt**_, and fear. These emotions were so strong and distinct in their unusual possession over his body; it could only be one person. LEAH!

A deep pain of regret stabbed him even before he touched the ground. Then came the crack and the final sentence of unbearable _**guilt**_, ringing through the forest creating within him a dangerous echo of a real soul.

Dear Reader,

I am afraid that our journey must come to and end for tonight. Perhaps we can travel again another day, but you know me I can never truly guarantee time for us. But I shall not leave you there in your starry nights bed with only this wonderful story playing in your head, perhaps a small clue for our next meeting. My dearest I have only a simple wish for you my love that you will look upon my terrible scars, without pity or guilt. Instead I want you to understand,understand that in your love my dearest, I can heal. Even if I don't know it yet.

_**-Dreams as light as feathers**_

**A/N: Hello readers again another long wait, I hope you enjoyed this piece. But I must warn you the story is still just in its infancy there is more to come. In the next chapter I shall unite our destined lovers, and perhaps color the story with the feelings of more than two.**

**Here is a small hint to the next chapter:**

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. - Harry Crews

Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is. - Gary Zukav

**Well have you guessed? Trust me it is something both our characters truly desire and need desperately. Please remember to rate and review feedback is good it gives the writer direction. Well see you later and take care. ****Au revoir**,** Adios, Sayonara, ****Auf wiedersehen**, **A****nn-yeong****, Dasvadanya, ****Arrivederci****, Goodbye. **


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